Posted threats from MPs and TV presenters having a bust up: hereâ€™s what Parker the political Parrot got up to over ChristmasJanuary 11th, 2016 by Boisdale
Parker the Parrot, our very own parliamentary reporter, had a bit of time off over Christmas. Hereâ€™s what he got up to.
Family sent me some feed and beak polish for Christmas. Thoughtful of them. Also received a feather duster from an MP I broke a rather unfavourable story about last year relating to some, ahem, unsavoury habits heâ€™d indulged in. I wasnâ€™t sure if he was sending me a threat or telling me he was clean now.
A typical Boxing Day: leftovers, bad TV and residual sense of exhaustion due to weeks of endless Christmas songs.
Still, starting to get into the swing of this holiday malarkey â€“ itâ€™s nice to have a break away from the Westminster drama. Texted the party leaders to thank them for their lovely Christmas cards. Asked Ed Miliband why he was still sending them to me. Asked Tim Farron why heâ€™d started.
Realised that I havenâ€™t really achieved the goals I set myself in 2015. I havenâ€™t got fit, havenâ€™t learnt Italian, havenâ€™t mastered the piano (I did try, but itâ€™s very hard to play with feathers instead of fingers). To be fair, Iâ€™ve been too busy keeping up with the political discourse surrounding Jeremy Corbynâ€™s beard and the role it has to play in twenty-first century electoral politics. Maybe I should start a blog about great political beardsâ€¦
Used the day to brainstorm ideas for a book I could write on modern UK politics. Surely thatâ€™d give me some clout as an authority in the analysis of British politics? Iâ€™m thinking, something that breaks down the clichÃ©d and over-simplistic notions of nasty Tories and loony lefties; a deep investigation beyond the superficialities of the, media-heavy, issue-lite politics we consume every day.
Then again, I could just dig out the fifty best political gaffes ever and give it to Buzzfeed. Itâ€™ll take less time and goodness knows more people will read it.
Tried to go to the Star Wars movie but the ticket office said no costumes allowed here. I explained Iâ€™m not in costume, Iâ€™m a parrot. He said no parrots allowed hereâ€¦
New title idea for my book â€“ Birds in Britain: The Demonisation of the Avian Class.
New Yearâ€™s Eve
Hosted a party with some of my political correspondent friends from the media. The night turned sour when a presenter from ITV News drank too much of the punch Iâ€™d made and clashed with the BBC over whether the license fee was fair. It wasnâ€™t pretty. All became rather surreal when someone from Sky started looking for camera 3 to cut to Faisal for an update on a suspected party re-shuffle. I worked out later they were unhappy about my seating arrangement.
New Yearâ€™s Day
Feel terrible. Hungover, and had to do the post-party clean up. Paxo stayed over to help but ended up just watching the boxset of The Thick of It. He made us watch his guest appearance on repeat.
Iâ€™ve set myself one New Yearâ€™s resolution: donâ€™t take another holiday for as long as possible â€“ itâ€™s more hassle than itâ€™s worth.
Oh yes and one more, check in at Boisdale as often as possible to keep myself sane!